On Decisions and Finger Painting

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This post isn’t directly about yoga, but rather about something that yoga has helped me with. I guess in that way, just about anything can be “about yoga”. Anyways, what I’m referring to is making decisions.

Decisions can sometimes feel very heavy, but I try to remember that it’s a blessing to even have the freedom to make a choice. Last week, I heard about a twenty five year-old here in Thailand who’s recently been appointed to a job that he’s expected to stay in for life. Now his future has been decided for him. When you aren’t free to make a choice, that’s when things can be truly problematic.

Anyways, if making decisions is an art, then my version is a very messy finger painting (see below for some lovely finger paintings from art class!). As I am generally pretty adaptable, I think that there will always be a lot of things I could do. This is a blessing because I have more possibilities, but a curse because I often struggle to narrow things down.

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The decision that’s been on my mind lately is whether I should stay in Thailand and teach for another school term. First there is my job to consider. I still find managing a classroom of 32 second graders to be quite the challenge, but I do feel like I’ve made progress in both my teaching and how I process the experience. I can now have a couple of bad lessons and not let it ruin my day. Also, I look forward to seeing the kids, and feel myself getting more attached to them and wanting to see them through until the end of their school year.

Then there is the social part of being here. On one hand, I have a handful of friends who I am really going to miss, and see other friendships where we’ve just scratched the surface that could get stronger with time. On the other hand, I really miss my family and friends back home, and I don’t like how distant I feel from these people who are most important to me. BUT then there is all of the amazing food, travel opportunities, and kind people that Thailand has to offer.

Thinking about all of these pros and cons gets old really quickly. It’s like doing mental aerobics…and your arms feel like they’re going to fall off, but the class just keeps going and going. My mom’s advice on this stuck with me. She said to simplify and focus on the one or two things that matter most, and make a decision that way. I think that this is going to be key for me going forward. There are always a million pros and cons, but if I make a decision based on the few things I want to focus on right now, I can stand behind that and think back to those things when I’m second guessing myself. In a similar way, yoga helps me to simplify and focus by calming my mind and quieting the flurry of thoughts that are otherwise running on repeat.

So, after some youtube yoga videos and reflection on my part, I decided that I’m ready to move on and leave Thailand. In the meantime, I am super excited for what is to come. First is finishing up the school term and enjoying the things I’ve come to love about Chachoengsao. My sister and friend will be visiting in October, and we will be touring my town, staying at an elephant sanctuary in Phetchaburi, Thailand, and then visiting Bangkok and Bali. Then I will be spending a week in Sydney, Australia with my best friend Kate, and finally visiting some of my new friends in Brisbane who I met on a recent yoga retreat (see my first post for more on that).

Past this, I am hoping that the right next step for me will become clear. Before coming to Thailand, I got a MantraBand bracelet that says “what is for you will not pass you”. This reminds me that we are more than the individual decisions we make. I believe that I will eventually end up in the job, place, and with the people who I am meant to be with if I keep looking for it. Even if there are some missteps along the way, we will make our way back to the path we are meant to be on.

Thank you for reading xoxo

Alexandra